There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
