so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
