I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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