is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
