ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
