I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
