Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
