He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
