new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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