Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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