He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
