We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
