Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
