I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
