I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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