I love having hate sex.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
