If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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