Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
