My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I think I just sharted jello shots
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