Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
