This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
