I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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