I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize