no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
