We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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