You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Sponge bath it is.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
