She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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