do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
