I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
