She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
