paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
