Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
