I have demons in me.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
