WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
