That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
