I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
