Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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