at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
