I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
