I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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