I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
