If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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