sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
