Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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