My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
