Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
