I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
