even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
