apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
