Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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