a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
