I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you win again, gameday.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize