I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
How's work?
Spinning.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
