I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
