You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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