The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
