I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
