so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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