when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Randomize
