Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
