It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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