Christians are straight up FREAKS
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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