i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
