U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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