No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
