white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
