how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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