why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
