I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
where are you?
Hypothermia
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
