the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
