she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
