So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
