I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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