I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
