and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
