I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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